July 20, 2010

            Just like every other Tuesday on the Stan and Haney Show, Mike Chionopoulos swung by to answer your legal questions free of charge. If you don’t get through to us, or want don’t want to get over the air with your legal issues, you can contact Mike at attorney@absolutelaw.net or call his office at 239-349-8010. If you remember back to last week Mike started talking about a program in Florida that deals with child support and family law. There had been some questions surrounding the program, and after an investigation the people in Tallahassee determined that it is an unconstitutional program, and ordered that it be shut down. The head of the program, whose name will remain anonymous, has come out and said that the program will continue running until congress or somebody from Washington D.C. come down and make the state shut the program down. We had a flood of phone calls today, so I’m sure that you couldn’t get through with your legal questions, but don’t worry, because Mike will be back with us next week to answer your phone calls again. When we get calls like Chris’ phone call today, it really shows us that this service we provide to you can really help. Chris’ girlfriend up and left with Chris’ daughter to Indiana. Long story short, Chris got his little girl back, the girlfriend lost custody, and now Chris is trying to pursue financial compensation from the girlfriend. Because he called in, and got through, Mike gave Chris his information, and now Chris is getting a free consultation from one of the best lawyers in Lee County.  

July 19, 2010

            Today we got the opportunity to talk with an American legend, Colonel Joseph Kittinger. This man has done everything from racing speedboats as a young adult to jumping out of airplanes, including one of the highest jumps ever recorded by man when he jumped from an altitude of 102,800 feet, which is still a United States Air Force record. “Come Up and Get Me” is the title of his auto-biography, and this guy has so many interesting stories that the book could be anything but spectacular. Not only is Colonel Kittenger one of the greatest Americans ever, but he is also a great Floridian. He grew up on the St. John’s River, and there is where he found his love for thrill. Not only has Colonel Kittenger jumped from outstanding heights, but he has also served his country. During the Vietnam War Colonel Kittenger was shot down and was taken as POW. While touring in Vietnam Colonel Kittenger came face to face with one of the best pilots from the other side. Just as Colonel was about to take down his second Mig of the war a fighter jet came out of nowhere, and from behind Colonel Kittenger was shot down. As interesting as that sounds his life is full of even more stories that can captivate an audience of any size. He has been friends with Neil Armstrong since the infant stages of NASA program, he was the first person to take a solo across the Atlantic Ocean, and many more stories. Please go buy the auto-biography “Come Up and Get Me.” It really will be one of the best books you ever read.

July 16, 2010

            All of you remember former Vice President Dick Chaney, right? Well, let the jokes begin, because he does not have a heart, or at least a functioning one. Earlier this week he went in for heart surgery, but his arteries were so clogged that they couldn’t fix the problem, so the old guy has an electrically charged battery in his chest that is pumping the blood for him. This battery is acting as his heart, so he has no pulse, heartbeat, or any other signs that he is living. If you come up with any good jokes over the weekend feel free to email the guys.

If all of you loyal Stan and Haney listeners we brought back the private investigator Becky Altringer. If you remember our first interview with P.I. Becky, we talked about Randy and Evi Quaid when they walked out on a $10,000 bill from the hotel. Today we wanted to talk with Becky about how crazy Evi Quaid really is. Now we here at the Stan and Haney show have been telling all of you that behind every crazy man is a crazy woman pushing his buttons. Becky went in to detail about how crazy this broad is, and the list is long and impressive. A couple of months ago, right after we had her on the show, Evi broke into Becky’s office and made a mess of the entire place. While talking with Becky, we wanted to get her take on the Mel Gibson situation going on right now. Her thoughts were the same as ours, and she thinks that Oksana Gibson (Mel’s wife)is setting Mel up to look like the ass in the situation, and she even went as far as to say she would help Mel if he were to call her. I have a feeling that we will be talking with Becky a couple of more times.

          July 15, 2010

            We want to thank all of you smokers, boozers, and gun owners who listen to the show, and for good reason. Last year all of you remember when the government put the tax on cigs and booze the numbers have finally come out, and all of you have given a total of $20.1 billion to Obama and the government. What we’re really upset about is that all of you good people who just like to have a smoke while drinking a beer are paying out the butt, while all of the “dopers” and crack heads don’t have to pay the government for their guilty pleasure. Hey, Obama listen up, and listen well because I’m about to tell you how to bring the country out of debt, and get your approval rating above 40%. Legalize marijuana, tax the hell out of it, and stop taxing the good people who enjoy the sweet taste of Budweiser while sucking down a freshly lit Marlboro Red.

            Stan was going to do something really cool today, and finally incorporate your phone calls into a segment, but then Ray the car salesmen called in and we learned that he has opened his own car dealership, online. What Ray is doing is he had some dirt on one of the guys who works with at the auctioneers office at the Sherriff’s office, and he black mailed them for a couple of cars. He moved the cars around, and got a little money in his pocket. He thought that it would be a good idea for Stan to get in on this little business. He has a Crown Vic that runs on propane. All of you guys should really be upset that Ray ruined the segment that was going to incorporate you. I am suppose to promote anyone’s product who comes in the show, but I am so pissed off with this guy he’s not going to get the free publicity.

July 14, 2010

            All of you know how we here at the Stan and Haney Show feel about Thomas Edison. While on vacation Stan came across a book that explains to the population some common mis-known facts. One of the earliest entries in this book says that Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb. I’m not saying that we’ve been saying this for the last fifteen years, but we’ve been saying this for the last fifteen years. The books says that almost eighty years before Edison was credited with inventing the light bulb there was a British inventor, with the last name Star, who was able to light a bulb, but not for any lengthy amount of time. Star took a man by the name of Swan under his wing and taught him everything he knew. Once Edison found out that this guy Swan invented the light bulb, Edison went and did the exact same thing. Edison got to the patent office before Swan, and was credited with the invention. Swan sued Edison, and won the case. Right after the case was decided Edison approached Swan and persuaded him to join Edison as partner in Edison’s business. Days after Swan signed the papers Edison went behind Swan’s back, and bought out his entire share of the company and fired Swan. Since Swan signed papers saying his inventions were the companies inventions the light bulb, legally, belonged to Thomas Edison. We’ve been saying it for fifteen years. THOMAS EDISON IS A FROAD.     

            Just when you thought you've heard everything about Hollywood comes a totally original new book -- a special blend of biography, history and lore. Hollywood Stories is packed with wild, wonderful short tales about famous stars, movies, directors and many others who have been a part of the world's most fascinating, unpredictable industry. Full of funny moments and twist endings, Hollywood Stories features an amazing all-star cast of legendary characters and icons and will keep you totally entertained. We got the opportunity to talk with the author of this book, Stephen Schochet today, and mainly about Disney Land’s opening day. We got many stories about the opening day, but one of the best stories surrounded the tickets. The tickets were so poorly made that nearly twice as many counterfeit copies were made, and many of the rides broke down because the weight limit was surpassed. It was a very good interview, and is an even better read. You can go to www.hollywoodstories.com and click on the buy it now link to purchase the book.

July 13, 2010

                Today, just like every other Tuesday, Mike Chionopoulos of Absolute Law swung by to talk a little legal advice. This really is a great service that we provide to you, the listener, and just last week I utilized Mike’s legal knowledge when he helped me get out of a little dispute my apartment complex and I were having. Mike is one of, if not the most, respected and powerful lawyers in South west Florida, and he provides free legal advice to all of you. If you have any legal questions you can contact Mike at (239)349-8010 or email him at mike@absolutelaw.net. Mike is very good at what he does, and will be coming in for your calls every Tuesday.

                Do you believe in aliens? Well Dr. Terry Johnson does, and we got the opportunity to talk with him today. Dr. Johnson is a doctor of psychology, which gives him all the knowledge needed in order to conduct the study that leads him to believe that aliens are creating a master race, a blue master race. Sound like a movie? Dr. Johnson said he has been abducted hundreds of times, and they have taken him into the “Star Ship” where they have performed sexual purposes. Dr. Johnson went into detail and told us that the aliens pathologically subdued him and then proceeded raped him. Dr. Johnson told us about the new alien race called “Distruct-O-s.” Dr. Johnson explained to us that their space station is in the deep corners of space, but they can enter our atmosphere at any time they want to perform these sexual and scientific procedures. Dr. Terry Johnson, along with the Rowdy Rangers(compiled of billions of humans), engaged in an interstellar war with the aliens just a few weeks ago. We won the battle, but not the war. I ask you, humans, if you are abducted, and then raped by aliens, we here at the Stan and Haney Show tried our hardest to warn you.

July 12, 2010

            Wow, thank the good lord that the guys finally back, and they didn’t disappoint. Stan went on one his rants while Haney sat back and just listened. We all remember a couple of weeks ago when the guys went to Orlando for the opening of the Harry Potter ride at Universal Studios, and by the way I heard it was awesome, but that’s neither here nor there. While in Orlando the guys got to stay at The Portofino Hotel for the first night, but then the second night they were moved off Universal property and to a hotel about a mile and a half away from the park. The guys were fine with having to move off the parks property, but the hotel they were moved to rubbed Stan the wrong way. This particular hotel was hosting a family reunion, the Clark Family Reunion to be specific. The Clark’s are your typical African-American family: a few elders with a few more from the next generation down and with many more kids in the next generation. Haney pointed out that the African-American community knows how to put on a family reunion, and the Clarks were no different. The theme of this year’s reunion was”Bridgin’ Da Gap.” And on the back of the bright yellow, high quality, Beefy-T test-shirt, there was a cliff type drawing with the young generation on one side with the elder generations on the other side of the cliff calling the youngens over. Haney you are correct, African-Americans absolutely know how to throw one hell of a family reunion.

            You asked for it, and we delivered. Mighty John came on the show today to talk about those old records that are sitting in the attic, closet, or garage. If you could not get on the show today, or just want to ask Jon a question about a record you can go to www.moneymusic.com for more information, or just email him at mightyjohn@maine.rr.com.